Happy World Cup Thanksgiving
By Mark Daniell
23/11/2022
Preamble
Merry Thanksgiving! As you know, it’s a Thanksgiving World Cup tradition that every World Cup Thanksgiving the mouse shares some World Cup Thanksgiving trivia. So here we go.
Five countries in the world celebrate Thanksgiving… can you name them? (hint 1: three of them played yesterday) (hint 2: a player lining up against England tomorrow could represent the other two).
Answers tomorrow – and don’t google it, you’ll just bring shame onto your family.
Amble
Germany 1 – 2 Japan How often do you see two countries playing in shirts that bear no resemblance to their national flags? Probably quite a lot, but that wasn’t enough to stop the mouse getting sidetracked. Turns out, Germany founded their football team under the Prussian flag, which looks like the sort of black eagle on a white background that you’d see at a Trump rally. Meanwhile, Japan wear blue because they won a match in Berlin back in 1936. History, eh? Interestingly, at the same tournament, Austria were so cheesed off at being thumped 4-2 by Peru that they demanded it didn't count. FIFA acquiesced, Peru went home and everything was peacefully resolved for everyone. This is why it’s good to have international tournaments in autocratic states.
Still, 2-1 eh? Just goes to show there are no easy matches at this World Cup.
Spain 7 – 0 Costa Rica Ok, some easy matches.
Morocco 0 – 0 Croatia Didn’t watch this one.
Belgium 1 – 0 Canada As this game kicked off, the mouse genuinely thought, wait a second, how come I haven’t got money on a Belgian player to be top scorer? They’ll for sure get to the quarters, and they’ve got a group game against Canadia. Canadia! Their national sport doesn’t even involve a ball. Heh, Canadia… And then Canada put in the sort of heart-warming, never-say-die display that makes the mouse feel bad for calling them Canadia three times (four, actually). All they needed was one Saudi striker and they’d have scored 21.
There’s a lesson here. Doesn’t matter who you’re playing, if you’ve qualified for this World Cup, you’re no turkey. (Unless you’re Argentina, fnark.)
Postamble
And to celebrate Thanksgiving, what does Qatar recommend? Why two groups of death, of course. Anyone who’s visited Switzerland, Cameroon, Brazil and Serbia knows that death lurks around every corner. I hear in Switzerland they’re using precogs to convict people for littering before they’ve even bought the lucozade. “You are arrested for the precrime of littering in Basel.” “But I’ve never been to Basel” “You will, and you will leave a half-moon dental flosser on the pavement. Your sentence is death.” “But I don’t floss with half-moons!” “IT WON’T BE YOURS!”
Pundit-watch
“They’re so static...” Jermaine Jenas gives Belgium his withering assessment of staticity precisely 0.8 seconds before they slice through Canada and score the only goal of the game. I mean, you weren’t wrong JJ, but timing is everything.
Kit of the Day
Once upon a time, there will have been a meeting of Canadians in which the conversation will have turned to the national football team’s logo. At this meeting someone will have drawn a half football with a half maple leaf coming out the top. And someone else will have said, No. Then a third Canadian will have written the word CANADA in felt-tip across the middle. And they broke for lunch.
Goal of the Day
Takuma Asano hasn’t scored a goal all season, so it was therefore natural for him to dink-collect a long pass on the turn, hurtle into the area, narrow the angle to “impossible’ and smash it past Neuer’s near post into the roof of the net. Taku-bow Takuma!
Doppellëtter
Kevin De Bruyne = Keith De Brichards Keira De Brightley Keanu De Breeves
Win Predictions
Switzerland v Cameroon
11 year old: “Draw”
7 year old: “Switzerland, definitely.”
Coloured Dice: Yellow
Uruguay v South Korea
11 year old: “Uruguay!”
7 year old: “South Korea!”
Coloured Dice: Blue
Portugal v Ghana
11 year old: “Portugal!”
7 year old: “Portugal. Of course it’s going to be Portugal.”
Coloured Dice: Yellow
Brazil v Serbia
11 year old: “Brazil!”
7 year old: “Brazil!”
Coloured Dice: Brown
Blue is the colour…
Tally
11 year old: -£2.71
7 year old: -£2.87
It’s the 0-0 draws that scupper them