How much cheesecake?
By Mark Daniell
21/06/2012
I bought a cheesecake the other day, (Waitrose New York Vanilla, since you ask) and you know what it said? It said serves 6. Serves 6? I think not. This is a day for QUARTERS! BOOM!
Greece v Germany: In the history of the Euros, only two of the eight teams who have won all three of their qualifying games have gone on to win the Cup, so whatever the press spout, it’s not a done deal. Meanwhile, Greece have once again defied expectations and bundled their way through to the next round. Surely, surely they can’t do it again? Just as I said back in 2004, no way man! So you should really put some money on them this time (I won’t).
Portugal v Czech Republic: Weirdly, a tie between the two countries that had awesome teams back in 2004 and came unstuck against the Greeks. They’re both shadows of their former selves, but following Chelsea’s demonstration in the Champions League, sometimes that can be a fruitful time. Ronaldo seems to be interpreting Portugal’s entire tournament as The Ronaldo Show and assumes that gives him free-rein to shoot, dribble and shoot whenever he wants. Should he opt to pass and a teammate misses, well, let’s just say there’s a lot of huffing. If, of course, he’s right and this is The Ronaldo Show, then Portugal will balance the Czechs right out the window (it doesn’t translate, but that’s hilarious in Portuguese).
Spain v France: You see, this is what it’s all about. You know these two teams hate each other. You know they both claim to have superior footballing credentials. At the moment Spain have the better side, but France have Platini. Also, France not only won the World Cup first, they won back-to-back World and European Cups first too. What would really grind their gears however, would be for Spain to win back-to-back-to-back tournaments. Sure, Spain have made more passes than any other team, but France are a reasonably close second, and they have Benzema, who has so far taken 17 shots without scoring… Does that make his crap, or due?
England v Italy: And, of course, the pick of the bunch. There are debates raging about subduing Balotelli, or Rooney’s return, or whatever, that’s all incidental. The real question is, what will Jamie Carragher make of all this? He has blossomed like an exotic fruit this tournament. Starting as a timid by-sitter to the towering authorities of Chiles and Southgate, he now commands the shreddies boudoir. I’ve been trying to work out how this has come about and it’s a fourfold transition: On the one hand, Chiles is an idiot. Secondly, Southgate only says what’s obvious (which is not to do him down, every half time précis needs some obvious). Thirdly, Stevie Gerrard is playing a blinder, and Jamie only really talks about Stevie, and lastly, England have a glut of players with hard c’s in their names. Cole, Lescott, Walcott, Welbeck, Carroll, Scotty Parker. Together these act as a sort of commentary run up that lets Carragher fly. I can’t wait to see what he’s got up his sleeve for Claudio Marchisio.
So there we go: Semis? England v Germany; Portugal v Spain. Delicious!
But you know, after watching Back To Future Part 2 (for the fifteenth time!) I used to think it would be fascinating to find out what the sports results of the next hundred years would be. Not to win money on bets, but just to know who won what. Specifically who won the Euros and the World Cup. Now of course I realise that would be utterly boring, in just the same way as reading about who won the Euros in 1960 is meaningless*. Yes, ultimately they play for the results, but really it’s the show that makes it entertaining.
* I don't know why I bothered with this, since it's so close you've already seen the answer before thinking about the question, but it was USSR.