Italy Rise From The Ashes
By Mark Daniell
25/06/2012
You see, the funny thing about infinity is that it’s infinite. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t very good at understanding the implications of the infinite, so we just don't get the joke. Some people think it means really big, which it doesn’t, and at least one person believes that eventually, if you keep on counting, you get back to zero, which just can’t be right. Can it?
Luckily, the only physical manifestation of infinity that we have to deal with comes from the musings of quantum physicists. These guys generally agree that although our own universe is finite, outside it there is infinite emptiness, which in turn provides the canvas for an infinite number of other universes. So, through the random motions of chance and chaos these universes must illustrate every single configuration of sub-atomic particles possible. This idea is commonly known as multiverse theory, and, although unproven and unprovable, it can, weirdly, be measured: since there is a finite number of sub-atomic particles in any given universe, you can calculate the number of different permutations they can make before they must create an exact replica of the first universe. Consequently, you can measure the average distance between us and our nearest identical replica, which logic dictates must be further away than that other universe in which Rooney jumped two inches higher and completed the sweetest, most sexy interplay of passing, moving, overlapping, crossing and heading-back-across-the-face by slamming his overhead volley into the net in the 92nd minute. It’s 10 to the power {10 to the power 29} metres. I hope they’re having a good party.
Back here, of course, he missed. But is it all that bad? Sure we lost on penalties, and sure we were outplayed for the majority of the game, but this is the first step in a new England journey. Gone are the days of hyper-expectation, of arrogance and entitlement. Over the past half-century, England have been also-rans in every tournament bar one* and the realisation has finally seeped in. If you remember the last two World Cups, you might recall the ridiculous press coverage which at one bellowed for a holding midfield player (Makelele syndrome) and at the other lambasted the manager for sticking with 4-4-2 against a 5 man defence (the Gerrad/Lampard will they/won’t they? saga) In fairness, the papers did try to stir up the shitpot this time with some Rio Ferdinand waffle, but that was before the tournament began and old habits die hard. On the whole we were mercifully spared any meddling campaigns, so that contentious decisions, to play Oxlade-Chamberlain for example, or Andy Carroll’s hair, were left unchallenged. The message was clear: Reputations meant nothing, England had to prove themselves on the pitch.
As it turns out we gave a good showing and if we're honest we know you don’t win things first time round. Last World Cup Germany were a developing threat, but not likely to win. This time they’re stronger and with it they’re more confident. Their inevitable final against Spain will reveal how far they’ve come. We, meanwhile, have just started that process, we lasted the whole tournament undefeated over 90 minutes and with patience we’ll be a better side next time around... In other words, what I'm saying is, I sniff a Brazilian semi.
*(Le Tournoi, innit?)