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Round Of Pi

By Mark Daniell

09/07/2010

Yup, here we are, the final of the World Cup Finals, or as I like to call it, the Round of Two (yeah, raise that lip, but when everyone starts using it you'll be the crazy one for saying any different). Except of course, we're not at the final yet. First we've got that old classic, the Third Place Play-Off (Round of √2?). Currently I'm taking part in a sweepstake which awards 75% to the winner and 25% to third place. Now whoever comes second can share in the feeling of injustice and loss, while tomorrow night's match becomes interesting. Clever, see? (Whatever, you'll do the same next time, if you remember). 

 

Lots of people think the Third Place Play-Off (Round of -2?) isn't interesting, claiming they'd rather watch cheese-rolling instead, but you know what, be that as it may, the Third Place Play-Off (Round of √-2?) is interesting: it's Uruguay vs Germany. It sees the return of Suarez, the evil genius behind Uruguay's march to the Third Place Play-Off (Round of 2i?), and Thomas Muller, the outperforming midfielder who winks at the camera during his national anthem. Third Place Play-Offs (Rounds of ln(2)?) tend to follow a prescribed pattern: both teams start in earnest, looking to win even though they know whatever happens they'll be remembered as semi-finalists, until after a while the defenders get a bit bored and decide they might just bag themselves a World Cup goal if they plod up front. Next thing you know a striker has snuck in the space left behind, been tripped up by the returning defender, and the penalty is given to the team's top scorer. After that both teams just ping the ball to their respective top scorer and hope he can tally up enough goals to slip into the golden boot. Four of the last five World Cups have seen the golden boot go to a player in the Third Place Play-Off (Round of ε^2?) with Ronaldo breaking the mould in 2002. In fact, only once has the outright top scorer not made it to the Semi-Finals. Remember him? (Answer below).

 

So whatever you think, tomorrow night we'll have a goalfest on our hands. Forlan is sitting one behind tournament leaders Wesley Sneijder and David Villa, while Klose needs two to surpass Ronaldo's 15 and become the World Cup's all time leading scorer. Who says the Third Place Play-Off (Round of ½(1±j)?) (yup, I'm pretty sure that's it) isn't interesting? It's like a friendly with benefits.

 

As for the other match, well, I don't know about you but I'm hoping for a defensive 1-1 draw followed by a heartbreak extra time goal and a frantic last ten minutes... Paul Oktopus says Spain will win and Germany will come third, and increasingly I'm finding I care more that Paul keeps his reputation as an oracle than I do about the actual results. Is that wrong? 

 

 

(Gary Linker is the only outright winner of the golden boot not to have finished in the top four teams, ever).

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