Stat-Attack!
By Mark Daniell
01/07/2010
Welcome to the Quarter Finals! Well nearly, for a couple of days the players, the referees and the fans all get a breather. Fair enough, after the frenzy of simultaneous kick-offs and the panic of the first knock-out round everybody needs a little while to gather their thoughts. The first thing we notice is that three of the last World Cup's semi-finalists are out. This is in part due to their own spectacular ineptitude, but also down to something of a South American resurgence. For some reason the vuvuzelas, the wavering jabulani and the cold, high conditions haven't impacted as heavily on them as they have on their European counterparts and for the first time ever we are looking at the prospect of an all South American Semi Final line-up. But will that happen? Probably not. In the meantime here are some lesser known statistics on the teams left in the tournament. (Some of which, if not none, are true).
The First Not Always Verified Match Hiatus Stat Attack:
Netherlands vs Brazil
In Brazil people are longing their team to lose so they can sack Dunga and get back to playing nice football.
Kaka has set up more goals than any other player in the World Cup, despite having missed a game through suspension.
'Lucio' is a slang Brazilian term for a dog poop. It is believed this is derived from his habit of cynically fouling the middle of the park.
Dirky Kuyt has dreams in which he is whipped with linguini.
The yellow card amnesty doesn't take effect until after this round, and with eight so far, the Dutch want to be careful.
Robin Van Persie whips Dirky Kuyt in his sleep with linguini.
Uruguay vs Ghana
Diego Forlan can't walk around Beverly Hills without being mobbed by adoring fans.
Having played France, South Africa, Mexico and South Korea, Uruguayan fans have had a crash course in geography.
Diego Forlan is Sarah Jessica Parker.
Kevin Prince Boateng agreed to a move to Tottenham because he thought he was ordering a pizza.
Richard Kingson has pulled off more saves than any of the remaining keepers, but having been beaten three times, has also conceded the most.
Kevin Prince Boateng's favourite pizza is hot 'n' ham.
Argentina vs Germany
Owing to a bureaucratic oversight at birth, Gabriel Heinze can actually be in two places at the same time.
With ten attempts, Lionel Messi has had more shots on target than anyone else.
If you put Diego Maradona and Lionel Messi into the Love Calculator you get 99%.
Jogi Lowe needs constantly to top up his protein levels to enable him to concentrate simultaneously on football management and blue v-necks.
Germany have scored nine goals in the this World Cup, thanks mainly to England and Australia.
Mesut Ozil's blood runs anti-clockwise around his body.
Paraguay vs Spain
The most often cited reason for visiting Paraguay is "no good reason".
Paraguay have the equal best defensive record in the World Cup having conceded only one goal.
Paraguay will beat Spain.
The David Villa is still for sale in Polaris World.
Xavi has passed the ball more successfully than any player, making 315 completed passes and setting up 13 attempts.
Fernando Torres is an excellent pasta chef but we wouldn't know as most of his output is snapped up by Robin Van Persie.
And there you have it. Just enough information to keep you hungry, not enough to warrant the spreading of any licentious rumours. One day to go...