Who Do You Anti-Support?

By Mark Daniell

15/06/2010

Right, well we’re nearly through the first round of matches and two things immediately spring to mind. One, when Italy draw with Paraguay and Gary Lineker says we’ve just finished Day Four of the tournament I can’t help but think, Day Four? It’s only Day Four? That’s awesome! It already feels like a month! And secondly, now that the teams I want to win have played, who do I decide I want to lose? Which team do I anti-support?

Obviously there are a lot of perennial contenders. Most of you will take delight in seeing Argentina crash out early, even though I’d put it to you that they got their comeuppance for the Hand of God way back in 1990 when they had the opportunity to retain the World Cup dubiously snatched away in the 84th minute. But some people will never get over foul play that went against them, and why should they? A good grudge can become as integral a part of one’s life as a faithful cocker spaniel, or a regularly returning blackhead. So carry on anti-supporting Argentina. 

Personally I love Argentina, so that’s not going to work for me. Consequently I like to shift my anti-support around and spit vitriol at whoever takes my fancy in a given year. Germany have always been the major recipients, beating my two native teams with dispiriting regularity. But after having the gall to win the Euro Championship in England back in 96 they’ve not won anything, and they’ve shown renegade touches like appointing Jurgen as manager while still living in California. Until they win again I’m going to ease off the Germans.

France are also an obvious candidate, not least for the manner in which they qualified. But are we really surprised? Doesn’t anyone remember Thierry Henry’s dive against Spain in the last World Cup which lead to the winning goal? Then again, that team did have Zidane at its hub, the “flawed genius” and all round legend. Without him France aren’t a threat to anyone, and although it’s nice to see them stumble against Uruguay, you can’t get too worked up because you know they’ll be lucky to get out of the group stages.

Which leaves us in a bit of a pickle. With no Germany or France to anti-support, who’ve we got? Naturally it’s open season on whoever’s at the top, but Spain haven’t yet won a World Cup and who can begrudge them a bit of success after all these years? Of course things will change if they do win, then we can rant about bull-fighting and the temperature inside Menorcan rental cars, but for now they’re fine.

So what about Brazil? Under Dunga, Brazil play negative football relying heavily on counter attacks and Lucio’s thuggish defence. Surely a case for anti-support? But it’s Brazil... They gave us Socrates and that guy who electrocutes himself in Streetfighter. How can we stay mad at you? Even Rivaldo’s face-clutch is funny when you think about it, because it was against Turkey. So Brazil are safe. 

Traditionally I’ve liked anti-supporting the Dutch. They’ve always had an air of superiority about them, a sort of “hey, if we took this seriously we’d destroy you all” nonchalance that smacks of arrogance. For every Dirky Kuyt there's a Robben or a Van Persie who just don’t endear themselves to the impartial fan. I used to think the epitome of this was Johan Cruyff’s decision to opt out of the 1978 World Cup, but it transpires, after an interview given this year, that this was actually because he and his family had been kidnapped in Barcelona and he feared for their lives. So I think maybe I’ve been a bit harsh on those guys. They’re good players and they only want to win. Instead they’ve developed the tag of being “less than the sum of their parts” so maybe it’s not surprising they blow their own vuvuzela once in a while. 

Portugal meanwhile are challenging the Dutch for being the greatest underachievers, and after our last few meetings I have to say they do a good job of taking top spot in the anti-support league. Cristiano Ronaldo looks like a waxy potato with haemorrhoids and even nutmegging Homer doesn’t redeem the old wink/nod admission of guilt. But again, can you really loathe a team that doesn’t win anything? Well, yes, of course. But that doesn’t mean you can't loathe someone more... 

My 2010 choice for anti-support is Italy. The same Italy who wore a football strip with built-in sweat patches last time round,

who only ever play boring football, and who somehow came out looking like the bad guys after being nutted by Zizou. It’s weird because as a country Italy is so awesome: Great food, great wine, great-looking people, great ice cream, great weather, actually hang on a second... And they’re World Champions? I don’t think you choose your anit-support team, I think it chooses you. And last night when the Paraguayan keeper missed his cross and De Rossi slotted the equaliser, I felt gutted. I had been chosen.