Signed, Sealed, Delivered
By Mark Daniell
20/12/2022
Preamble
Of course, if they’d done it any other way, it wouldn’t be as good.
The trouble with sport is that, until it’s done, you don’t know if you’re watching a comedy or a tragedy. Which it turns out, makes quite a big difference. (Or a horror film, the mouse doesn’t like horror films).
There was a moment, at around the 80 minute mark, when even the mouse allowed himself to dream; his guard to drop. Thoughts turned to parties and friends, fernet and cola, there was even the whimsical notion of how nice it was that the match hadn’t been a traumatising bungee drop into a torture chamber of emotions…
Amble
Croatia 2 – 1 Morocco Didn’t watch this one.
Argentina 3 (4) – (2) 3 France And then Mbappe scores. Ok, that’s fine, only ten… Mbappe scores again. Right. No more Di María, Argentina are tired. And it seems as if France have subbed on about 15 hyper-energised teenagers. This has turned south sharply. Didn’t Jimmy G once have a cautionary tale about France scoring late that he likes to remind us about? 8 minutes injury time? Don’t you dare… Good foul, Acuña. Great foul.
Postamble
Extra time. Messi scores. It was offside, won’t count. Did it cross the line? Doesn’t matter, it was offside. Not offside. Goal. Celebrate. Wait, don’t celebrate, five more minutes and then we’re home and… Penalty? Three all. Wait. Shot. Saved. Header. Missed. Penalties!
Ultimate Postamble
Take a football player, stick him in a pressure cooker, drop that cooker to the bottom of the Mariana Trench, on a red dwarf star, and then lob that star into the heart of a black hole. Then tell him to take his penalty.
When you’re under that kind of pressure, it doesn’t take much to miss. So Emi Martinez tosses the ball away. He knows.
On the plus side, the shoot-out meant the match ended with a kick, rather than the running down of a clock. The roar in the streets of Buenos Aires is a sound the mouse will never forget.
Pundit-watch
“I swear to you, the only thing I love more than this is my son. Literally nothing else.”
80 minutes in, two nil up and watching Argentina pass it around confidently, our Argentine commentator clears up any family rivalry.
Kit of the Day
Are you ready for your memory of a lifetime, sir?
Oh yes, absolutely!
Excellent, remember to smile, try not to look into the camera. Oh, and would you just pop on this skimpy black negligee please?
This what now?
Skimpy black negligee. Pop it on, please.
Do I have to?
My house, my rules.
Er.. ok
Excellent. Now go and enjoy your memory of a lifetime!
Goal of the Day
Mac Allister to Messi. Messi to Alvarez. Alvarez to Mac Allister. Mac Allister to Di María. Di María! Di María! Di María! ¡¡¡Gooooooooooooooooooooool!!!
Doppellëtter
Alexis Mac Allister = Andie Mac Dowell Andy Mac Nabb Ally Mac Beal
Win Predictions Final Tally
11 year old: -£10.40
7 year old: -£2.44
I think the moral here is don’t bet on football matches. Either that, or start a World Cup betting book with your kids. Easy money.
Until the next one, it’s big love and buenas noches from the mouse!