The Samba Spyglass
By Mark Daniell
06/12/2022
Preamble
Out there, somewhere, is a Brazilian footballer who just wants to dance like Ross from Friends. Alas, he is force fed a diet of samba until he abandons his dreams and sambas along like a good boy. He grows up, a goal is scored, and the world sambas with him. Inside, this Samba Boy is crying. Until one day he says enough! Enough with these restrictions! Dance is supposed to be the very zenith of expressive freedom! I will not samba into the night. I may be the national coach and this may be the World Cup, but screw it, I’m a grown up now. I’m doing the Chicken Dance.
The mouse understands you, Tite.
Amble
Japan 1 (1) – (3) 1 Croatia Penalties eh? If you had to take one, which would you choose? First? Last? Neither, your head in the sand hoping it’ll all go away? Ha ha ha, thankfully you and I don’t have to answer that question. But wait… Inside the England camp right now, this very discussion is taking place, and answers are being given.
Brazil 4 – 1 South Korea With 10 minutes to go, Brazil bring on substitute goalie Weverton for a bit of World Cup gametime. Which begs the question, when are they subbing on Waston Villa and Wipswich Town?
Postamble
Tonight sees the last African nation in the cup battling against their nearest European rival in what might just bring the first upset in the Round of 16. The mouse once had a discussion with a Nigerian soap and flannel dispenser in a nightclub restroom and was interested to learn that to Nigerians, Morocco is not really in Africa. I knew what he meant, of course, since we feel much the same about the Isle of Man. But they might make an exception when the penalties start lining up.
Pundit-watch
“For Brazil, Richarlison has 19 goals in 40 appearances. You do the math on that and it’s one goal a game, pretty much.”
ITV’s Eni Aluko gets twitter all fluffed up, but she’s right, if you round to the nearest 30. In fact, she should be more confident, that’s exactly a goal a game.
Kit of the Day
Can a crow ever commit handball? It’s a riddle, answered only by the logo of the Japan Football Association. With two feet on the ground, and a third clutching a football, it certainly looks like handball. But crows have wings! It's the impossible riddle. Unless of course that's a Croatian claw, sneaking in from behind to nick the win...
Goal of the Day
Richarlison is at it again, this time a few sealion head-tonks, some one-two-three, round the tree and through the rabbit hole passes and before you know it, he’s slotted it home. Very nice.
Goal of the day though goes to Seung-Ho Paik for his long-range thunderbolt, obviously.
Doppellëtter
Hakim Ziyech = Holly Zunter Horton Hears a Zoo Harrison Zord
Win Predictions
Morocco v Spain
11 year old: “Spain!”
7 year old: “Spain!”
Lab results: Morocco
Coloured Dice: Red
Portugal v Switzerland
11 year old: “Portugal!”
7 year old: “Switzerland!”
Lab results: Portugal
Coloured Dice: Red
Tally
11 year old: -£9.31
7 year old: -£3.95
Red sky at night