The Turn Of The Mac
By Mark Daniell
01/12/2022
Preamble
Messi misses, Mac Allister makes amends, and that’s good enough for the mouse. But what everyone is really talking about is the space between Mac and Allister in the name Alexis Mac Allister. Is it double barrelled? Portmanteau? A middle name tribute to big burgers? A quick google answers nothing other than his dad played for Argentina too, so it must just be a typo that’s stuck. I think Darwin was intending to call his magnum opus “The Typos That Stuck” but never got it past the editors. In protest he proposed a new project, On The Origin Of Faeces, and they agreed to a compromise. We all win.
Amble
Australia 1 – 0 Denmark Well let’s be frank, Denmark never really wanted to be here in the first place. It’s too hot, too illiberal and frankly there’s too much misogyny. Australia have decided to stay.
Tunisia 1 – 0 France Was the mouse alone in seeing this coming? For Tunisia, beating France is the World Cup. Meanwhile France are already through. Cue a second rate French team and defeat. It was obvious. Then Griezmann equalises in stoppage time. Then it’s disallowed. Maybe it was less predictable that I thought.
Saudi Arabia 1 – 2 Mexico By rights, Mexico should get a free pass to the next round because they live next to America, and that’s hard enough. Alas, no. In the end, they would have been eliminated on too many yellow cards, so had to go for broke. If Danny Murphy had been in charge, you'd be eliminated for not enough yellow cards.
Poland 0 – 2 Argentina It’s an enigma that will fuel the PhDs of the future. How can the greatest player in the world miss so many penalties? Are they too easy? No joke, I think if you put a one-man wall between the penalty spot and the goalkeeper, Messi would find it easier to score.
Postamble
The finale of the group of death awaits, with the two favourites now favourite to survive. Not so deathly, as it turns out. Or is it? We expect thumping wins from Spain and Germany, but a little mental permutating shows that the winner of this group most likely plays Brazil in the quarters, whereas the runner-up plays Morocco, followed by an unconvincing Portugal… Tactical 1-0 loss by Spain, anyone?
Pundit-watch
“Why aren’t we seeing more yellows and reds? You want to see more positive play.”
Danny Murphy once again makes his case for jury duty while assessing Poland’s disciplinary record.
Kit of the Day
Tunisia ask Kappa for some kits. Kappa send a batch of over-tight plain white tees. Done.
Goal of the Day
Chavez scores the best free-kick of the tournament. Over the wall, into the corner, keeps so far from reaching it, his dive enters the frame only once the replay is over. CHA-VEZ!
Doppellëtter
Enner Valencia = Eddie Van Valen EasyVet Edgar Vegas
Win Predictions
Canada v Morocco
11 year old: “Morocco!”
7 year old: “Canada!”
Coloured Dice: Brown
Croatia v Belgium
11 year old: “Belgium!”
7 year old: “Belgium!”
Coloured Dice: Black
Costa Rica v Germany
11 year old: “Germany!”
7 year old: “Germany!”
Coloured Dice: Black
Japan v Spain
11 year old: “Spain!”
7 year old: “Draw!”
Coloured Dice: Black
Black day…
Tally
11 year old: -£7.47
7 year old: -£1.21
The old Socceroo switcheroo