Where Girls Love Football

By Hani Kobrossi

14/06/2010

All around the world, male football fans are quite similar. Put us in front of a football match and we all become opinionated, single-minded and sooner or later, angry. Female fans, despite a delightful trend to fit into tightly-hugging football shirts and shorts (especially the eye-catchingly awesome yellow of Brazil, and the mysteriously shapely blue of Argentina) certainly are not all the same.

Of course strictly speaking, here in in Dubai there is no such thing as a true Middle Eastern World Cup fan, man or woman. This is of course because there is very seldom a Middle Eastern football team in the competition (unless you really want to count Algeria – many prefer not to). The fact is Middle Eastern football teams just aren’t very good. Why do you think Qatar want to host the 2022 World Cup? Not to have the honour of staging the competition but just to be able to play in the thing at all through the host’s automatic qualification slot. 

So it goes that each individual, from the young to the old, male and female, pledge allegiance to an adopted side long before the first tackle has been lunged or Vuvuzela has been annoyingly blown for hours and hours and hours (and hours). The favourites around this part of the world? In ascending order: Italy and Argentina in equal third, Brazil second, and in first place... Germany.

Now, Brazil being popular is understandable and even acceptable. Brazil are incredible. They have won more World Cups than anyone else, they play more attractive, innovative and impressive football than any other nation, and they have those wonderfully attired Brazilian supporters that cameramen love to focus on at every opportunity (it’s the yellow). It is easy to understand why the likes of UAE nationals, Qataris, Kuwaitis and even those in Yemen with TVs (and the expensive Al Jazeera world-cup package) are prone to cheer for such a team.

Even supporting Italy and Argentina is digestible. Both play attractive football and have a history of winning (noticing a trend amongst the Middle Eastern choices by any chance?). Both have that extra oomph in their game and their national icons are stylish and inspiring (even Berlusconi, if you know what you want in life). BUT Germany?  Zee Germans?? Why on earth would any sane individual who was not actual born in Germany, married to a German, or employed by a German firm and being forced to watch football in his German boss’s Miele-designed kitchen, want to knowingly and willingly chant and cheer for Germany? (please note, Sunday’s performance against Australia did not serve to support this already thought-out rant...).

Apart from having won the competition a frustratingly large number of times and always making it at least to the semis, there is no justification to shout for the Germans. They always, always play the most insipid brand of football out there (except maybe last night, but whatever), they always leave you wishing you had not watched the match you just did watch, and apart from some damn good draft beer have very little to offer in way of cultural entertainment - the female supporters clad in the national kit never look that good. 

Of course in most sports, when Middle Eastern supporters have the choice of any team in the world they’ll opt for whoever is playing the US. But the US isn’t a threat in the World Cup so the knee-jerk reaction for people to anti-support the ‘great devil’ (as they munch on their Big Mac after finishing off the last episode of Lost and having just driven home in their Escalade) is out of the way.

Then why Germany? And why is it particularly strong in Beirut? A country that normally revels in being compared to either the Italians or the French (not to mention having been a French-ruled mandate for over a quarter of a century). In Beirut during the World Cup, Germany is by far the team of choice, as the prolific display of horizontally striped black, red and yellow flags attests.

Well there is the glory-hunter element of course, which keeps the Middle Eastern men happy, but Beirut is notorious for its population ratio of five girls to every man, which means male-rich environments are hard to come by. Naturally the female supporters look forward to the World Cup’s endless displays of football almost as much as the men. Where else can a girl cavort around in a skimpy football shirt and net herself a man?

Of course to ensure success, a team with a historically proven ability to remain in the competition until the later stages is essential. It actually suits both the glory-hunting men and the men-hunting women, and so an unwritten understanding of unflappable support for Germany engulfs the city once every four years. A few brave souls will give in to sense and bravely hoist Argentine or Brazilian flags, but if you are single and looking to have the biggest football barbeque on the block you already know which powerful European industrial nation you are supporting. Bratwurst anyone?

So the stage has been set and the adopted teams adopted. Whichever team you are following, and for whatever reason - yes, Lebanese girls, we’re onto you -  the next few weeks will elicit multiple yells of joy and angst and hours and hours and hours (and hours) of vuvuzelas. Only please, England, not on penalties, not again.